


The Sunless World (in which to Hide, to Disappear, to Rest a Bit Before I Burst from this Feeling)

by Marta_Ayanami



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Just a small ficlet, Oneshot, Spoilers for Ragnarok aka for Odin situation, mostly stream of consciousness, my headcanon, quick ficlet, takes place during the Dark World, this will not be continued
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-07-29 00:47:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16253204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marta_Ayanami/pseuds/Marta_Ayanami
Summary: He's dying and he knows it, and at least somebody's seeming to care and be grateful, his beloved brother at that, so that's good.He's maybe not dying, he doesn't know yet, he's never really knew his own treacherous body, as he feels the cold running through his veins - killing or healing, he's not certain yet, ice filling the gaps made by the weapon.Is he dying? Does he want to? Not anymore, mayhaps, but that's his soul speaking. Or, that's just Thor speaking. Who knows.His body, on the other hand - that's a mystery. Secret from Loki for years. So what...He barely knows himself, this body.That's nothing new. Not anymore.***Just a small one-shot ficlet.





	The Sunless World (in which to Hide, to Disappear, to Rest a Bit Before I Burst from this Feeling)

Mother is dead, he's murdered her. But Brother is alive, he's managed not to murder him, and even not to murder brother's foolish five minutes Midgardian crush, though he had to risk all of himself to achieve that. Fine. He's always had to do all the heavy lifting here, and Thor always got the praise... which seemed so unfair, for ages, until Loki's learnt-

 

_That I'm just a Frost Giant. A Jotun. A monster does not get any praise. A monster has no right to be praised-- no right-  
_

 

~~your birthright was to die~~

 

~~****************~~

 

_I'm not dead yet? How quiant.  
_

 

_Ice running through my veins... is this death, or is this healing? How am I to know? The one who sired me isn't here to be asked, I've removed him myself, to be at least a little less disgusting by association..._

 

"I'll tell Father what you did", his brother says, and Loki for a split second doesn't know what he means.

 _What I did? When, this week? I've murdered Mother, but Father already knows that. Thor doesn't seem to have noticed, yet, that I've murdered Mother with my words. If I did quickly, will he be distraught enough that he may never think back and notice? Hopefully. I want to die quickly. I want to die quickly. PLEASE,_ he tries to think, but it's all in vein. His foolish body shan't listen, still filling the gaps with ice, unseen under Father's glamour.

_Be quiet. Just shut up. I did it for Mother. I did it for you. I did it for that Midgardian extension of you, too, since you seem to need her. Shut up. I only did it for Mother and for You and for Me._

 

"I didn't do it for Him."

 

Not this time. _Not this time. Not ever again. Not for somebody who's never loved me!_

 

_********_

He's not dying fast enough. And so, his infuriating brother isn't leaving his almost-corpse. And so, he takes it in his own hands and makes illusion, maybe, maybe if he uses a lot of magic arts it'll also accidentally thankfully hasten his death? He can only hope. He's not certain how Frost Giants heal - because in his heart, he's not one, just trapped in this awful, disgusting body.

~~Always so perceptive about anyone but Yourself~~

 

~~my son~~

 

**************

Left alone at last, 'dead', he's lying there for hours, undying because apparently the wound wasn't that bad. Maybe Frost Giants are slightly durable, after all.

 

Well, too bad.

 

So, now what?

 

************

 

_I will go to my Fath-- Odin. Go to my King, 'dressed' as a Guard. See if he mourned me, too, or if only Thor did. And then - hm. I'll think of something, I'm certain._

_I'm certain._

_As long as I never have to feel or see my body again, in its true form. That was... sickening._

 

And so, he goes. And maybe, maybe he can even make true that old lie, that old claim of kingship.

 

****

Naturally, not with his own, loathsome in Asgard now, face.

 

****

No matter. Apart from what he used to think (mistakenly) reminded him in his own eyes of Mother.... apart from that, he's never cherished his own face anyway. And even less, since learning the awful truth, on that day.

 

Even less.

 

*********

 

"No. Thank You."

 

_If not for you, maybe I would've let myself die. Or maybe not. I won't say it, your ego would only grow from here to Svaltheim, and we don't won't that._

 

_Still._

 

_Thank You. For holding me in your arms when I thought I was dying, I was anxious, and suffered, and, and, and so.... Thank You._

 

_I can never say this, not without betraying that it's me. But - thank You. For now. And so, I'm giving you Freedom as a Thank You gift, you needn't be a King of Asgard, ever._

 

_Unless you're ready someday. In that case - no. If I'm alive, what reason would I have to give it up?_

 

_See you later. Next century would be fine._

 

_*******_

Thor was in Midgard now. Loki in Asgard. And so, everybody is home, isn't that so? _Except Father, but, well, that place isn't the end of the world, for old folks._


End file.
